I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize