i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
