they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
