So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
