whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
