woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
