Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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