TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
