I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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