Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
