quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
