can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
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Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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