I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
