remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
