Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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