my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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