When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's blow job season.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize