hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
