i wish my penis had a tongue
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
