and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
