The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
