Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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