I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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