Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
