And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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