I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
