I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
