I cannot find my penis.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
