You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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