The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
