make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
