I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
