Only a mothe r could love this liver
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
