He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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