ugly people sure do ruin things
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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