Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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