I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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