I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
