So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Green mimosas i think yes
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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