Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
