Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
