Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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