PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize