you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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