It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
