Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
