I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Barsexuality is the new black.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
