Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize