I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
