Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
