Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
did you just send me my own nude
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
