You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
