Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
