I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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