have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
