Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
