If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
