If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
