well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize