I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
