Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
