Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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