i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
