Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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