just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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