He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
PANTIES FOUND
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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