literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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