hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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