whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
