guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You ruined the universe
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
