my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
