i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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