i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Life is so much better after having sex.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
