gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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