a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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