I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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