You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
