I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
