Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
