You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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