Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
