how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
