dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
