My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I need to calm my uterus...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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