An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
sarcasm needs its own font
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
