He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
