fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
